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Click and join. <3 | | |
| As it came to an end, she collapsed into her chair, laying her arms limp over the side and gazed at the ceiling with both satisfaction and longing. A deep, wistful sigh escaped her lips as she toyed with the idea that such things might not be solely make believe.
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| While sitting silently by the window, her face resting on her hand, she realized what a bitter woman she had become. Though she couldn't tell when exactly the transformation took place, there was no denying that she was not happy. She was bothered by a constant, overwhelming feeling like she was faking it; as though the role she played in her life was forced and unnatural. Each moment passed in a trance-like state of detachment, leaving nothing but shadows and still air where her spirit used to live.
"Sarah..?" a voice spoke from across the room.
"Hmm?" she murmured as she turned to look in its direction.
"What are you doing?" it asked.
"Oh," she said with a sudden awareness of her surroundings, and with a quick, small shake of her head, she broke free from her thoughts and shook the truth from beneath her skin, escaping it for the moment, "nothing. Just spacing out, haha."
With that, she got up and continued with her day.
* I'm attempting to resurrect this xanga. | | |
| Something that continues to bother me:
I started taking these pills for the same reason most people take medication; pain, in one form or another. I am not entirely sure whether that was a good or bad reason, but I do know that my reason for continuing to take them, fear, can hardly be called a reason at all. When they were perscribed to me, I was told that these pills were for short-term use and were not addictive. Two years later, I know that they are indeed addictive and the psychiatrist and I have very different ideas of how long short-term is. | | |
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"we are accidents waiting waiting to happen"
Last night, I finished watching Garden State, brushed my teeth, and went to bed. I opened my blinds, turned on a mix cd, and then just lied there compeletely content; totally hypnotised by the light on my walls. It wasn't until 20 minutes had passed that I realized that I forgot to take my pills. That's a really huge thing because I have never forgotten in the months and months that I have been taking them. It's like this habit and whole way of thinking: take my pills to keep myself normal/happy/sane/whatever. I guess it's kind of hard to understand, but once I realized I had forgotten, I couldn't help but smile. Anyone else would swear under their breath about it and there I was, just lying there with this huge smile on my face for about a minute before getting up and taking them. Yeah... It was just good to get out of that way of thinking for a bit. It's horrible when taking anti-psychotics becomes as normal as breathing. | | |
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